Saturday, December 4, 2010

The Story Behind the Dress

So . . .

I've shown you the fabric. I've mentioned the muslins. I've mentioned everything but the event for which the dress is intended, and a few people in the know have asked when I'm going to spill it.

So I'm spilling.

Get ready for another sew blog wedding, folks, albeit a non-traditional, somewhat abbreviated, very under-budget, non-bridesmaid-y kind of sew blog wedding.

After 6 years, it occurred to us that it was time. Once that decision was made, the thought, "Why wait?" followed right behind. Obviously we're not going to do it before the holidays - Mario wondered if we could, but I can't imagine adding another layer of stress (and sewing) to the already hellish holiday season.

And while I fully admit to having the organizational skills to execute a military campaign with one hand behind my back, I'm not going to try to schedule something as personal as a wedding in under a month, all the while rounding up our nearest and dearest who have already double-booked themselves to begin with. Thanks, but no thanks.

January is fine. We don't have a firm date yet because we're still trying to figure out a location ("venue" just sounds too damn bridal). We debated getting married and then telling people, but decided against it in light of the shitstorm that would inevitably follow. (Sorry, that's the only word I can think of to describe it). I suddenly understand how weddings get out of control - way too many people think they have the right to an opinion (and an invitation) to something that really only concerns 2 people when you get right down to it.

We told the families over Thanksgiving, and thankfully there aren't too many opinions from that quarter. His mom and sister are happy; my aunt less so, but isn't she always? She's not coming because (a) she's old, (b) she can't buy us an extravagant gift, (c) she can't afford something to wear, (d) she doesn't want to leave her safe neighborhood and come into the big bad city, and (e) did she mention, she's old?

Can anybody disappoint you the way your family can? Except possibly your best girlfriends? They're the only people with enough information to really get the knife in there where it's most painful. Yes, she's old. She's not poor, but we're not in it for the gifts, and I don't care what she wears; her sense of style hasn't advanced beyond 1960 or so anyway. She needs to leave her neighborhood once every 50 years or so, and YES, she's old. Big freaking deal. She's the only blood relative I've got left, and she doesn't feel like leaving the house for an occasion never likely to be repeated.

It didn't help her case when she told Mario that by my age, my mother was on her third husband. Yeesh, thanks a lot, auntie! With relatives like this, who needs in-laws?

I'm actually very happy - just needed to get the aunt-rant off my chest. The dress muslin will be on display shortly, along with a new shirt for Mario. (I can't be the only one with something new, right?)

39 comments:

BeccaA said...

Congratulations! How very exciting. I know you'll sew yourself something wonderful. Thanks for sharing the news.

Janet said...

Best wishes to you!

Brenda said...

Congatulations. I love weddings! Make it your day and enjoy it. I understand about Auntie. It will be her loss. We literally had friends "kidnap" my future mother-in-law to get her to our wedding. She was also old-80. What a sour pickle. It really hurt my husband that she didn't want to be there.

Marie-Christine said...

You know, the main good part of marriage is that it's an opportunity to right the wrongs of nature. Why stay stuck with relatives like that, when you can officially acquire such better ones? I'm sure you cant hink of ways to make it up to Mario, so he's not losing too much in the trade. Marry the way you like, and don't look back.

Uta said...

Congratulations! Sorry about your aunt; I think Marie-Christine said it best.

Isabelle said...

(((hugs)))
Have the wedding you and Mario want, and don't let anyone spoil this for you! I so agree that this is something between two persons. Not a lot of people understand, unfortunately.
The only thing that matters is the two of you - I'm thrilled that you are so happy!

meli88a said...

Congratulations! Sorry to hear about your aunt. Unfortunately, sometimes the ones we wish to share our happiness only complain and sour the milk. I like to think that deep down they *are* happy but can't express it well because they're so used to being a sourpuss. ;) People have funny ways of showing their emotions.

wendy said...

Woot! Congratulations :-) I hope it goes wonderfully!

Lori said...

Cpngratulations and best wishes. Good luck on everything.

Chris said...

Congratulations! Best wishes to you both.

Andrea said...

Congratulations! And as for the less-than-supportive relatives, I sympathize. I've got a few of those myself.

Nancy K said...

Congratulations! How lovely for you both. I am sorry about your aunt; maybe she'll change her mind.
Can't wait to see the muslin for your dress.

Little Hunting Creek said...

What wonderful news! Congratulations to you both

Valerie said...

Congratulations! My husband and I celebrate our fifth wedding anniversary in January. We just had a simple JP ceremony, and a low key reception for friends and family.

About your aunt--is there anyone who could escort her to the wedding and allay her fears? Is she the type to enjoy herself once she's actually at an event? I just hope it all works out for you both.

LisaB said...

Congratulations and best wishes.

Michelle said...

Congratulations!!!! And yes, you are absolutely right about family being able to disappoint like no one else. My grandfather didn't come to my wedding because his new hearing aids hadn't come in yet. He decided, why be there if he can't hear it? Oy.

And best wishes to you! No matter what, you will have a beautiful wedding, and exactly the wedding that you want.

LindaC said...

Congratulations! I don't know you, but I read your blog and I'm very happy for you. I'm sure it will be a beautiful wedding. Only two people really need to show up. :)

Sewfast said...

Congratulations! I know the dress will be fabulous and the wedding will too! Have it your way! (and I ain't talking BK)

Elaray said...

Well, it's about time!!! (tee hee hee - just kidding) Best wishes to you both!

Rose said...

Best Wishes, Karen! Thanks for sharing your plans for the special day.

NancyDaQ said...

That's great news!

Sorry about your aunt, but the elderly sometimes get strange ideas about things--try not to take it too personally. It'll be ok.

gMarie said...

Congratulations! Sorry your Aunt is being a pill. I hope the day is everything you want and remember. g

judidarling said...

A colleague's mother in law was so against the marriage, she showed up at the church in head to toe black and cried through the ceremony. My friend's "revenge" was to love her husband well, delight in her two boys, and never rise to that miserable soul's bait. Live long and prosper--and take lots of pictures to share!

Debbie Cook said...

Congratulations to you and Mario!

Lisette M said...

Congratulations!!!!How exciting!!I'm so glad for both of you.

When my brother got married a couple of years ago the only two relatives on our side in the States(two cousins) did not show up. They didn't have any excuses at all, not too old, perfectly mobile, no need to dress up (totally casual event) and they asked for no gifts. Yeah, family...

Can't wait to see the dress!!

I told you he was a keeper!

The Slapdash Sewist said...

Congratulations!!! Wow, what exciting news. So sorry to hear about your aunt--it is true that some people delight in making other people's big moments all about them and it sounds like your aunt is that type, based on past experience. I hope you have a beautiful day.

Vicki said...

Congratulations!!!! How exciting for you. And don't forget to tell your aunt that the mere fact she is invited requires a gift..(hehehe), so she may as well come.

Anonymous said...

Congratulations to you and Mario! The two most important people in this event are the two of you. It's your day, celebrate it as you want.

cidell said...

Congratulations Karen! Seriously. I really thrilled for you and Mario :)

Carolyn (cmarie12) said...

Congratulations Karen! This is just wonderful news...can't wait to read all about your new dress and the decisions that will go into having your perfect day!

inkstain said...

Congratulations and here's one to top it. I married "in the field" the man of my dreams without anyone for either of us in attendance, and a year later did it again for his family, newborn in tow. My own mom was the problem, and she'd fucked up enough for me already. Brother not even on speaking terms. Want perfect families? The only solution is either to watch old Leave it to Beaver episodes or your way—raise your own.
Warmest wishes, none of it matters, especially lazy, selfish aunts, except that you and Mario love each other.
Really. I promise you, twenty years from now, you'll laugh.

badmomgoodmom said...

Congratulations!

I wonder if your aunt is agoraphobic or just plain toxic?

When I got married, my very Japanese stepmother said that she couldn't attend b/c my mother would be there. Then my father wanted me to exclude my mother so his wife could attend.

I told them that
1) they are all invited
2) they can choose whether they come
3) it is not taboo in American culture for the two wives to be in the same room
4) we are too busy with wedding prep to be dragged into this angst

They all came. They even chatted together for a short while. My mom and stepmother became friendly (they shared mutual friends).

My mom cried along with me when I broke the news about my stepmother's death.

renee said...

Congratulations, Karen. Hugs to you over your aunt. Can't wait to see the dress!

melissa said...

Yay congratulations! It'd be nice in a perfect world to have absolutely everyone you want with you on your day, but that will just never happen. Be happy for the ones who will be there, and make the day so good that you won't even notice who isn't there.

Elaine Finn said...

Congratulations, Karen! I, too, am looking forward to the sewing-related wedding plans ;)
So happy for you and Mario.

-E said...

OMG girlfriend! Congrats!!! Awwwww I'm so happy for you two :)

patsijean said...

Congratulations to the both of you.

Kathi Rank said...

Congratulations, I'm looking forward to seeing your creations for the big day. Forgive your aunt...hey, she is old! Make the day a wonderful celebration with the people who are important to you and Mario and who can be with you.

meredithp said...

Congratulations! That's very exciting news!

Yeah, your aunt is old. Do you really want her there? If so, I'd press the issue with her. But, if you're like me and the day will be ever so much nicer without that level of stress...

Looking forward to hearing about the festivities!